Will it be better for me to die first or for step-dad to die first?

I hate him!
He actually wanted to throw Creamy out of the house when my mum quarreled with him
When I knew, I was so damn pissed off and push him away and warned him.
Then I feel like collapsing down like I had asthma attack.

I have been suppressing with all my might about them quarreling and throwing their temper and now I can no longer stand them and broke down for the 3-4th time for the year.

mummy tried to defend him when it's all so useless with our own eyes witnessing what happen every time when he threw his temper.
He does not care about his responsibility and went off every time doing the same thing and yet we have to hold on to it every time.

All of us controlled ourselves bear in mind so hard yet he doesn't and even blaming us when he is the one doing the wrong and repeating the same errors like the loop.

once I was young, he wanted to throw me out then followed by hitting my sister and throwing things when he is in bad mood which then lead to my dogs and now what even want to throw my dog out!

so when i find him to be annoyance is it true for me to kick him out too?

what came to my mind in the past did came true now and how am I going to trust him now when he never do what he promise despite he said he would.

I tried so hard to forget every thing but whenever there he goes again everything just come back into my mind and take another period of time to hid them away.

tell me how to break-free.


Lesson was bad and I shall not go on with it.

Finally cooked Korean food tonight and ate it all up.
More like mum cooked it rather than me but anyway still able to eat it.
Had spicy rice cake and tofu soup, it was truly spicy for the rice cake but yummy compared to previously.
Brought some to Irin too and she was smilling all the way.
hahas.

It feels like it's going on a weekend tomorow when the week has just started!




Gloom gloom gloomy day for me despite the big hot sunny sun out there.



Consistency of low performance week

Yesterday went to watch Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince with BL, hahas
It will be the only movie to get me to cinema I guess. It was nice but ending is so bad because there will be a next movie coming up soon.

Okay, I love the computer effects for the previous movie which the DVD is only release like now after years. hehes, and I’m gonna rent the movie to watch again!
Log onto facebook and realized how much fun the class had yesterday, they were mad! Poor Leon got roll out of the class and got lock outside the class. They even took pictures of him in the toilet for handicap with his boxer on? Hahas.
So sad that I missed out the fun. It’s always when I am not around either the problem was easy or they went mad.

Back to cell so far for 2 meeting and me and LiLing are like so ostracized by that youngest girl in our cell, esther wong. Of course don’t feel like going back again when I am still transparent by everyone and that esther is so………..sticky? Noisy? Childish? Whatever! Or is that what you call as not being a hypocrite?

MY LOVE IS GROWING STRONGER EVERYDAY FOR THEM


Today I’m so happy and hyper!
First of all I got an ‘A’ for enterprise UT1 I think it would be the first and the last one….
After reaching the class, my classmates was asking around about the grade and hurriedly ask me about it out of the blue I got ‘A’ did not expect to be ‘A’ hahhas=D.
Secondly, my cog faci is not here!
We got another one to take her place and I am/we are so happy about it and because of that I am so high!
Thirdly, I did the ppt today and look nice but not sure about the content if it’s good?


I’m finally back in cell =D

On Friday still feel so reluctant to join back them but yesterday towards the end of service felt so happy and excited to join them. Once again, stood there like statue with Li Ling when no one sees me as part of them. Nevertheless felt very happy to be back with them and spending time in church despite I’ve got so many more things to study for UT. Yesterday was only about 10-20% of the cell present while others went off. Went down to sparklight and saw the kids down there like ‘cute’…

One of the small boy, is super active kept running and rolling around and the teachers were trying to catch him and held his hand together don’t let him run away XD
They are cute but on the other side, they like no reaction when teachers are trying to get them involve just like us…..could be frustrated too when kids like the boy around.

I saw Adeline there too it’s like so long since we ever saw each other despite being in the same church didn’t expect her to remember me =X
Anyway, they still put on a smile and continue with the performance..

If God were to confront you right now, would you allow him to?
God comes to confront us of our sins but He does not leave us there to rot and die then instead He will then comfort us =D




Yesterday was such a rush day,
went out late almost late for school and get -0.5 of daily grade
after school still had to rush back to finish my things before going out.
Last night went to LIGHT THE WAY event, miraculously Jia En was early! =x
anyway the event was awesome Awesome AWESOME!
ended everything at 10 and watch Jia En eat before we walk to MRT and met mummy for my supper =D




It's such a lousy day!

first of all, Creamy ran out of the house in the morning
later on I saw her runnning out from the Malay house @.@
stupid Creamy.
The uncle came out ask me to change my dog.
but don't really seems/sounds angry though
But still spoilt my whole day
then later on someone came 'scolding' me
oh please I dun need your 'advices' i know what will happen and what should I do
when things happen, I don't need advices but its words of comfort that I need.

Secondly, faci said I copy my RJ from other resources and I clarified with him
but its my own from other module and he did not accept that
but thank God that its nominal and my grade was suppose to be B ended up with D.

Thirdly, Brought Creamy to the vet today since there's free slot.
Ended up left her there for the night as she got some internal infection and got to operate
so might as well leave her there for a night and bring her back tomorrow.
Feeling so weird, one big object missing....

indeed it is tough to consider it all pure joy when you face trials of all kinds....
today is such a bad lousy day with so many things occuring..
seriously i do consider it pure joy for Creamy's case since we discovered it early
better than till then everything is too late.
and also pure joy for the rj thing because its nominal...

*still feeling so tired.


I'm so damn sad right now!
faci said I copied my RJ from other source when the other source is my own RJ for cognitive RJ!
How could he say that!?
Should be that stupid system they had installed but still made me damn sad ended up a D for the nominal grade.
Though its nominal but still damn sad and place a D there till next week.
argh! stupid system


anyway,
didnt had real FOOD today but only FRUITS and Juices....
*hungry*
craving for tom yum~
tomorrow will be cognitive again for lesson
hate it!
UT will be on on wednesday and friday
and friday after UT shall go for LIGHT THE WAY LIVE WORSHIP =D


still feeling tired though


I'm feeling good but still tired.
Today is such a great day and I was so high!
because it was math
I felt super free in class today and ran around bare footed again hahas
as they were team of threes and faci wanted to combine one of us and
we manage to get the opposite team to come over thanks to my spoilt battery
hahhas!
Yea, i'm a choingster lols.
ended up the joining team was slacking away while I doing so hard on the WS but anyway had them did the PPT
hahas, I'm like a 'boss' today lols
but still had time of laughter whole day.
I guess many people could not come because of the random checks they had and I bet they earn so much money today by selling thermometer to us otherwise we cannot stay in campus
they even restrict us the and location timing for eating
like prisoners of RP hahas
anyways, meow said the cookie smell nice~ =D
we manage to finish PPT before one and finish lesson before three
our group was so united!
Choing our RJ together as a team
helping out each other to calculate the question given in RJ zz
Last team to leave as a team somemore
ended up leaving mass alone in the class
wahahaas
Went off with Geok Ling and Qin Jin but parted at level one
then meet Kaihim [uncle] again below and three of us walked togethter to the interchange
on the way 'suan' kai him again for his age hahas.
he look old but not that old lol
well well I tio jackpot for NS hahahas
the male all didn't get but me and my first female cousin what a thing!
anyway I also won't be going in to serve despite I feel its okay right now.
For the past two days, despite so damn sian back to school but had a fun time
also seems that I am spending more time with me classmates and getting more high
even though there are times I hate those people so much but afterall still have to endure them.



LIGHT THE WAY
JULY 10, 2009
8PM
LIGHTHOUSE WOODLANDS EVEANGELISM, SCANTUARY
*doors open at 7.30pm


yea! its coming in another week's time.
coming sunday going back to cell hope evetyhing will be fine =)

UT starting on next wednesday and trying hard to study now

GAMBATTE!

Back to school: Black day.
Yesterday:
Anyways one of my classmates went home during first meeting after getting into contact with H1N1 positive person while another one skipped class during break. LOLs
Manage to do the chocolate almond and baked cookies yesterday while everyone was rushing their ppt >.< the chocolate is nice! cookies not as good as the first round but still edible...
Feeling so tired today but can't believe today is F.R.I.D.A.Y!
TGIF = THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY

Today:Its math! my favourtie moduletoday the faci is nice~let us choose our own team
Felt so free in class today when the first break.Ran around the class without shoes and laughing loud.
It shall be my first and last =D
Everyone are all black even the faciI thought they were only joking around yesterday and who knows we did!hahahastoday we are like prisoners of RP okwe are restricted to one canteen only with assigned colours of the stickereverywhere we go must bring along the sticker and thermometer tooso sad~

p.s we going to hit the jackpot! currently 91 cases.



/